Sunday, January 08, 2012

Quiet Shitty Sunday

Had a fantastic night out with Mark and his family last night.  He, his brother & sister also have CF.  His sister was there as it was her daughters birthday.  We had a lovely Chinese Buffett and then went back to her house.  Had a great night.

Slept for ever last night.  After this period of hospital my body is completly drained.  I cannot build up the energy to get dressed let alone do anything.  It will be a long hard road to get well for work again.  I'm having to reflect a lot on my current health status.  I need to change things in my life once I can go back to work.

Have had another day thinking about N.  She has been online today. I am supposed to be important to her, yet nothing.  She couldn't care less how I am.  She knows I am upset, I doubt she knows that I am feeling as low as I am.  Yet nothing.  All her facebook status ' are how fantastic her new boyf is.  Not a 2nd thought of me.  I text her Friday night asking if she was ok.  'Not really as her boyf spent the day with her'  Thats not right is it?  She should be overjoyed that her Boyf Has taken the day off.  She has practically moved into his now, so I am concerned that if things don't work out with him She will again be trapped somewhere she doesn't want to be.
I shouldn't be concerned about this as she has shown me that she couldn't give a shit about me.  If she needs help or needs somebody to be there then Fuck her.  I just wish that I hadn't given so much energy towards her.

I guess things don't help at the moment feeling so low.  I feel at the moment that there is no point to life.
ExW phoned the other day, told her about my Grandfather. She did seem concerned.  Then told me I needed to stop feeling so down about this girl.  She thinks everything in life is about Sex.  I do feel low but that is because life sucks and I have got myself into a corner. I don't know how I can recover out of this.

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