Typing this as I should desperately be doing UNI work.
My UNI work is falling behind at the moment as I struggle with energy levels. After I am home from work this is pretty much flaking me out. And because I am falling behind, I struggle to face up to what I need to do. I have huge amounts of work to do in the next 6 weeks, I seriously doubt I can do it. This is causing me to stress and run away from it, which is making things worse. I am struggling in the subjects. Not sure if or how I can get out of this, it is seriously stressing me out.
My closest Friend 'N' is preggers. Congratulations to them. N chose her boyfriend over me. I am glad to keep her as a friend. But as I cannot conceive it was obviously the right choice, I was never going to be enough for her or anybody. Who wants somebody who is firing blanks.
However in the off chance that somebody doesn't mind a half man I have stepped up trying to meet somebody on an internet dating site. Currently I have one mad stalker who sends chav speak messages to me everyday. She keeps expecting dirty comments or talk from me, but thats not me. Besides I have reservations that she is connected to or knows my ex-family. She is from the same area they live.
I have started chatting to a teacher who is after friendship. Hopefully this can continue.
I am feeling extremely low at the moment in my head and this isn't helping my health. I can feel my chest getting tighter everyday. Hopefully this can change as I don't really want to be back in hospital again. Unfortunatly hospital is always going to be when rather than if. This is one advantage of living a solitary life outside of work. When I was with my ex she always was coming down with one infection or another due to interaction with so many more people. Hence I was picking things up more regularly. However living life solo I am getting less bugs which is good but not good mentally. Catch 22 situation.
Short post as must get UNI work done.