Monday, March 05, 2012

The slide going down

Typing this as I should desperately be doing UNI work.

My UNI work is falling behind at the moment as I struggle with energy levels.  After I am home from work this is pretty much flaking me out.  And because I am falling behind, I struggle to face up to what I need to do.  I have huge amounts of work to do in the next 6 weeks, I seriously doubt I can do it.  This is causing me to stress and run away from it, which is making things worse.  I am struggling in the subjects.  Not sure if or how I can get out of this, it is seriously stressing me out.

My closest Friend 'N' is preggers.  Congratulations to them.  N chose her boyfriend over me.  I am glad to keep her as a friend.  But as I cannot conceive it was obviously the right choice, I was never going to be enough for her or anybody.  Who wants somebody who is firing blanks.

However in the off chance that somebody doesn't mind a half man I have stepped up trying to meet somebody on an internet dating site.  Currently I have one mad stalker who sends chav speak messages to me everyday.  She keeps expecting dirty comments or talk from me, but thats not me.  Besides I have reservations that she is connected to or knows my ex-family.  She is from the same area they live.
I have started chatting to a teacher who is after friendship.  Hopefully this can continue.

I am feeling extremely low at the moment in my head and this isn't helping my health. I can feel my chest getting tighter everyday.  Hopefully this can change as I don't really want to be back in hospital again.  Unfortunatly hospital is always going to be when rather than if. This is one advantage of living a solitary life outside of work.  When I was with my ex she always was coming down with one infection or another due to interaction with so many more people.  Hence I was picking things up more regularly.   However living life solo I am getting less bugs which is good but not good mentally.  Catch 22 situation.

Short post as must get UNI work done.  

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